Finding Trust

Trust is something more difficult to find than nearly anything we face in our lives.  We begin at birth with complete and unconditional trust.  Our every want and need is catered to and handled for us.  Most of us have parents who love us unconditionally so we tend, then, to believe that such a trusting relationship should carry over to everyone else in our life.  That belief is quickly dashed.

Why do we treat others so badly?  It begins at such an early age.  Our children go to kindergarten and come home with tales of being treated badly by another child.  There are even times when they tell of being treated badly by adults.  Why does this occur?  What are the causes?  What do people believe they are accomplishing by treating others with such disrespect?

First of all, children are not born treating others badly.  These things are learned.  Such a young child can only learn such behavior at home.  Why would such things be taught?  Because the parents know nothing else.  Those parents have had a life and experiences that have caused them such pain in one way or another that they don’t know any other way.  They act the way life has “taught” them to act and by their actions, the children learn the same behavior.  Parents teach by example.  We learn how to live by the examples before us.  Parents can talk until our ears turn purple but it is our actions that will ultimately teach our children what they will use in life.

So, how does this relate to trust?  It is ultimately impossible to trust anyone when you have always been treated badly.  As stated,  you are born with complete trust but that trust is tested immediately.  As an infant, if you are cared for by an adult who treats you badly, you will react badly..first to that person and, ultimately, toward every other person you meet.  You don’t know that everyone is not that person who mistreats you.

If  you then grow up in an atmosphere where bad things happen all the time, you know nothing else and learn very quickly to protect yourself against everyone.  You learn to guard yourself against everyone.  You don’t know that there are good, kind people in the world.  How can you trust anyone when all you have ever known has been disrespect and abuse?

How, then, do we gain trust when we have never known such a thing?  We must begin with just one person.  We must have one person in our life in whom we can believe.  Toward this new beginning, however, we must purge our lives of those who are negative and disruptive to that trust.  While this can seem difficult or seemingly impossible, it is necessary in order to move ahead in a positive manner.  You want your life on a positive level and to reach that level,  you must work hard and do the most difficult things.  This can be so-called friends, but it can also be family members.  If you have a family member who is dangerous to your well-being, it is ultimately necessary to separate yourself from that person as well.

Once we reach adulthood, we are all responsible for our own choices and actions.  Simply by reason of birth does not give a person the right to treat you badly.   A sibling, cousin or even a parent does not have the right to abuse you. You do NOT have to take it.

First of all, talk to someone..a counselor, a minister or even a teacher.  Getting help is the first step toward your new life.  If you can talk to this person and allow them to help you, you will  have begun to discover trust.

Trust is NOT an easy journey, nor is it quick.  It takes a lifetime, but it is a journey well worth the taking. 

Finally, first and foremost, you must learn to trust yourself.  You know what you want for your life. Work toward that end.  Find whatever help you need along the way but BELIEVE you can do it, because you can.

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