I was asked once, during a job interview, which I thought was more important- moving quickly or completing the job correctly with time. I responded that I believe, above all else, a customer expects work to be completed correctly the first time. Customers do not have the patience for having to have things done a second, and sometimes, a third time in order to have them correctly done. I further explained that, with enough experience, a person should be able to manage both speed AND accuracy if they care enough about their position.
I was reminded of that conversation recently when dealing with someone whose philosophy is the opposite. This person defended the position that speed is most important. This person deals with the public every day and swears that speed is the ONLY result in which people are interested. As a result of this thinking, this person’s work requires regular corrections which takes more time than necessary.
So why do some believe that it is acceptable to simply fly through things when the end result is always less than desired? One opinion is that people are willing to simply fly through that which they don’t really want to be doing. Understandable, to a point, but the lesson has been lost that anything worth doing is worth doing well
This lesson should also apply to relationships. Sometimes, our relationships are the area of life that needs this lesson the most.
So many believe that once we “have” someone, the work has ended. We dolled ourselves up, we flirted, we plotted and we landed that person we wanted. Done deal, right? WRONG!
Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that all is settled. Anyone who pays any attention at all should realize that nothing ever stays the same, least of all the human psyche. We all change day to day. It is a life-long We learn new things that change us. We see things that change us. We experience things that change us. It is inevitable an unavoidable. We would not WANT it to be otherwise. Life is not a stagnant thing. No one is ever still in life. We all experience change and growth on a minute by minute basis. I am changing as I write this, while you are changing as you read it. With that in mind, you cannot possibly expect a relationship to remain the same forever. As those in the relationship change and mature, their wants and needs and desires change and adjustments are constantly needed.
Let’s say I knew someone 40 years ago. We had, then, shared interests. Those shared interests suited us at that age, but now, 40 years later, only some of those interests remain while new ones have joined them. Life has interrupted and happened to both of us. Now, we have different interests, outlooks and philosophies than we had then. What we must do is adjust to those changed interests and beliefs and try to settle them into our life as it is now. If we were to remain in the mindset we had 40 years ago, we would be unable to communicate on a healthy and responsible level.
Sometimes, people try to avoid the change and even, at times, attempt to stop the change. Both are impossible. Change is inevitable. You are not the same person you were just yesterday or last week. You don’t think about it consciously, but you do realize it on another level. Something will happen to you today that will change you in a subtle way, thus changing you yet again.
You must realize that change is not automatically a bad thing. Change is necessary. The trick is for us to accept it and adjust our lives accordingly.
So, with regard to relationships, we must not only accept that WE change, but we must remember that our partner also changes. We have to work WITH those changes and evolve or the relationship can fall apart.
Do not expect your partner to be the same person they were when you first met. It is impossible. Do not expect yourself to be the same. It simply cannot be. Accept the changes and work with them. Some changes will be negative, of course, and will have to be dealt with accordingly, but most changes can be positive. Work with them and build upon them and become a better and more complete person because of them.