There is a whistle here that never goes away. It is sometimes barely audible, but at other times it is so loud I can’t think. Sometimes it is screaming for my attention. Sometimes it is too much.
There is a hum here. It isn’t louder than the whistle, but it holds on tighter. The hum is everything. The hum is what keeps me here. The hum never leaves. It is never louder or softer-it just is. It is here.
The whistle fights to be louder than the hum. The whistle wants to be in charge. The whistle can’t be in charge, but it continues to try. It believes if it is louder, it can take over. It often feels as though it has, but it can’t.
The hum doesn’t waver. The hum continues as the whistle panics and fights and grabs for power. The hum seems to ignore or not know of the whistle. If it knows, it doesn’t care. The hum has a job and it is focused on that job. The hum ignores all but the job.
The whistle can’t focus. The whistle changes its attack with any change. The whistle changes its tactics depending upon the situation. The whistle is relentless. The whistle is determined.
The battle between the hum and the whistle is unending as long as there is breath.
The whistle fights me every moment of every day. It pushes me toward a dark place.
The hum is my life. I hear it. If I sit silently, I can hear that hum-even and steady.
I fight the whistle of darkness inside my head.
I welcome the steady security of the hum.
It’s never quiet in here.
Shades of Life 